King Bisli & the Chocdown: A parody of a pandemic



Once upon a time in the Milky Way, there was a holy planet called Shoko.

Shoko was a paradise where everything was made of chocolate and snacks. The mountains were made of Toblerone, rivers flowed with Lindt chocolate, and houses were made of halva. Bamba and Krembo grew on trees, and the land was surrounded by a sea of Nutella.   

For centuries, Shoko was mostly inhabited by orange creatures known as Oompa Loompas, who lived off the land, picking Ferrero Rochet flowers in the fields in summer and eating Ben & Jerry’s snow in winter. The Oompa Loompas ate chocolate Bamba for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and nobody ever got sick in Shoko.

That was until the greedy King Bisli took power. The King wanted to keep all the chocolate for his own kingdom to sell to other planets in the Milky Way. Chocolate was big business in the galaxy and could be sold for millions to bigger planets like Mars.

King Bisli did not like the Oompa Loompas eating chocolate freely from the land, and immediately ordered the arrest of their eccentric leader, Willy Wonka – (Wonka was later found dead in his bed one morning, allegedly after drinking some hot chocolate).

After Wonka was gone, the first thing King Bisli wanted to do was divide the Oompa Loompas. So, he split them into two groups – the Oompas and the Loompas. The King ran a vicious campaign telling the Oompas that only they were strong and that the looney Loompas were weak.

Next, the King used his Twixer account (Shoko’s social media channel), to spread the lie that chocolate is bad for you and can cause obesity.

But this didn’t stop the Oompa Loompas eating chocolate for long. Determined to stop them eating chocolate for free, he took over all the media channels and announced that chocolate was now a cause of death. Chocolate was now a disease that he called the ‘Toblerona-virus’ or ‘Chocvid-20’.

The King said that Toblerona-virus would kill millions of Oompa Loompas all over the planet and he banned everyone from eating chocolate immediately.

To enforce this ban, the King ordered a planetary ‘Chocdown’ – closing all chocolate factories, fields and forests, and he banned people from swimming in the sea of Nutella.

To increase the fear, he ordered all Loompas to wear masks and his Oompa police to arrest anyone going more than 100m from their halva house.

Some critics said that King Bisli was going too far with the Chocdown and should let there be herd obesity.
After a few months of the Chocdown, some Loompas realized they were being misled, and the numbers of Chocvid-20 infections were confusing. Many Loompas continued to eat chocolate without getting sick.

Other extremist Loompas said that King Bisli was just a puppet for President Chomp of the United States of Mars, who was just a puppet of King Krembo from Uranus.

Angry with the Chocdown, the Loompas started protesting weekly outside King Bisli’s palace. The furious King Bisli cracked down on the protestors and ordered the even harsher Chocdown II. More and more Loompas were fined for not wearing masks or breaking the Chocdown.

At some of the weekly protests, there were videos of Oompa police beating the Loompas with stale Bamba sticks. This made the Loompas even more furious, so they organized a protest on every street corner and demanded an immediate election.

This time the pressure was too much for King Bisli, so he announced there would be a ‘fair’ election within a month. The Loompas new leader, Benny Bamba, vowed to beat King Bisli, who was clearly only looking out for himself.


Indeed, the enigmatic Benny Bamba became very popular on Twixer too and soon had more followers than King Bisli. The polls all showed that Benny Bamba and the looney Loompas would win the forthcoming election.

To add to King Bisli’s troubles, some Loompa lawyers claimed he had lied to the public about the death of Willy Wonka, the threat of Chocvid-20 and that chocolate was bad for you.

It looked like the King’s days were numbered. What could he possibly do? Well, one of the King’s advisors, suggested he ‘test positive’ for Chocvid-20.

The next day on Twixer, the King announced he had tested positive for Chocvid-20 and that he was fighting the disease with all his might.

Immediately the loyal Oompas rallied outside the palace praying for King Bisli to get better and some of the Loompas were fooled too. They put politics aside for a while to support the King’s health.

Soon, ‘Long live the King’, was the cry all over Shoko. If anyone said anything different, they were silenced and strangely disappeared after drinking some hot chocolate.

Once again, the tide was turning in King Bisli’s favour and eventually the opposition leader Benny Bamba conceded and decided to join the King as Defense Minister.


When King Bisli ‘recovered’ from Chocvid-20, he held a bizarre press conference with President Chomp of Mars and King Krembo from Uranus, announcing peace in the galaxy.

While on the ground the Oompas and Loompas were still fighting, and King Bisli was planning Chocdown III.

Evergreen Mother

Despite all our waste,
despite all our noise,
despite all our plastic
bottles and toys.

Despite our pollution,
despite toxic fumes,
despite all the minerals
we burn and consume.

Despite all our fighting,
despite all our wars,
despite all the pain
that nature endures.

Despite deforestation,
despite radiation,
despite the extinction
of her creation…

The evergreen planet
still provides and protects,
and sustains us with everything.
Lest we forget.

Yom Kippur, 2019

To become an Earth Protector and make ‘Ecocide’ – serious loss, damage or destruction of ecosystems – an atrocity crime at the International Criminal Court, sign up at: https://www.stopecocide.earth

 

tree

Singing the Unseen

And so I tread along this path to reach a higher ground,
I see my old path below and dare not make a sound.
To climb this rocky hill, I’ll take a stick with me,
yes, I must find a broken branch from a trusty tree.
Upon the hilltop I’ll see mountains white and meadows green,
and all my thoughts and dreams shall remain unseen.
For unseen this life must be on this misty mountainside,
amongst a million other souls the spirit must reside.

And why does the unrelenting sun always wear a smile?
He knows that I’ll be gone in just a little while.
For life is short, yet my deeds make ripples in the sea.
The tides of time wash over all things eventually.
And if we are born again or if we are heaven sent,
our days are more precious than all the money spent.
For they say time is money but money can’t buy time,
sometimes words of wisdom confuse like words of rhyme.

Words are all I have to give unto this world of mine,
I hope the words I give you will always treat you kind.
I hope the words I give you will be of a loving kind.

Dan Savery Raz, December 2018

Cosmic Poems

The Theory of Nothing
(or ‘Black Whole Sun’)

We are bones, made of stone,
we are multi-million year-old particles.
We are protons and neutrons,
atoms pulsating life.

We are nature, born wild,
we are organic, we were once seeds,
we grow in eggs,
we orbit the sun.

We are buds, we are saplings,
like the grass,
daisies and poppies, climbing
up from the earth.

Are we advanced biological systems,
miracles of rational science,
chemicals with consciousness
and electric brain waves?

We are visionary creators,
we colonise space and decipher the universe,
We are hunters, we are killers,
we are destroyers of worlds.

We are gods, we are god-like,
we are God. We are giants
walking on a tiny spec of dust,
gravitating towards the black hole.

We are lonely, reaching out to the stars.
When we die, we are nameless.
Yet, some minds travel faster
than the speed of light.


April 2018, in response to Stephen Hawking’s Brief History of Time

 

Humanoid XII

Homo sapien, homo erectus, homo sexual.
Mankind, humankind, human kindness.
Humanity, profanity, insanity, longevity.
Neanderthal man, aboriginal man, native man, modern man.
Woman, womankind, kind woman, womb man.
Mankind, childlike man, child of God.
God the father, the sun, the moon, the holy spirit.
The force, the energy that binds, between the lines,
of brain cells, the cosmic power, the evolutionary cycles.
Mind over matter, matter of fact, scientific proof,
science versus the soul, the rebirth of man, the recovery of spirit.
The collective mind, collective consciousness, collective human intelligence.
Beyond human knowledge, beyond comprehension, beyond everything.

Cave in the Cosmos

I once knew a friend, a cowboy of the cosmos,
who spoke of freedom, a path not travelled.
He went to the Peruvian jungle to confront his demons,
or something.
In hallucinogenic dreams he wandered, fighting darkness,
with the force of light, the kind of light that shines from words
hidden deep within the belly of the soul.
He travelled deeper and deeper inwards until he reached a cave.
Inside the cave he saw a candle shining, a yellowy, dreamy light
that called him closer, drawing him deeper into
the darkness, into danger, until he could almost touch
its flame, though he dared not extinguish its luminous power.
The candle flickered, almost conscious of his nervousness,
as he too felt its gentle energy.
Then all of a sudden it was daylight everywhere.
Green fields, bluest oceans and colourful birds nesting
in tall, fruitful trees. The day had once again won.
Though my friend now knew the cave’s secret –
that darkness and daylight were coexisting,
interdependent forces from the same one source.

September 2018, after visiting the Natural History Museum

The Qwerty Man

Qwerty Man temp cover

New dystopian satire novel set in future, where all digital words are traded.

(Published by 1984 Books, Oct 2017)

Now available on Amazon as eBook or paperback.

Type. Swipe. Don’t believe the hype.

“If words were the new currency, then Qwertex was the Royal Mint
and God was the jewel in the crown.”

“Oh no, not me, we never lost control.
You’re face to face with the man who sold the world.”
‘The Man Who Sold the World”, David Bowie

And so in December 2034 the word ‘God’ is released for sale.

In the not-so-distant future, every word typed, swiped, copied or pasted on any device has a price. This is the world created by Zach Webman, CEO and founder of Qwertex – the global marketplace of words and successor to the internet.

When Qwertex releases the rights of ‘God’ for auction, the sale of this multi-billion dollar PKW (Premium Keyword) kicks off a bitter bidding war. The Saudi Prince Abdullah IV, US President Jimmy Chang, Pope Luke Johnson and media mogul Michael Mendelsohn will do whatever it takes to win ‘God’.

In the month leading up to the live ‘SuperBid’ finale in Hollywood, Zach discovers his wife, Chloe, his PA, Mariana, and his only son, Ben, have betrayed him. All this is set against the turmoil of rising anti-Qwertex protests and global terrorist attacks. God only knows what Zach – the man who sold the word – will do.

What they said about The QWERTY MAN

“Like :)”
#Mark Zuckerberg

“A Godforsaken book that might just save humanity from technology.”
#Pope Francis

“Making people pay for words is not a bad thing. No-one reads better than me.”
#Donald Trump

ebook: https://www.amazon.com/Qwerty-Man-Type-Swipe-believe-ebook/dp/B076Q6G4FZ

Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/QWERTY-MAN-Type-Swipe-believe/dp/1549774948

Dan Savery Raz is a Lonely Planet author based in Tel Aviv. The Qwerty Man is his debut novel. For more, see, http://www.danscribe.com

Copyright © 2017 by Dan Savery Raz
Published by 1984 Books.
http://www.1984-books.com

Throwing Stones

Throwing Brexit Stones

So it seems like the ‘brains’ behind the Brexit brand
were all to quick to quit this land,
Going back to the future of the 80s, man.
But those wordsmiths never had an exit plan.

It seems everyone got caught up in ‘Leave’ or ‘Remain’,
and forgot to ask, ‘Isn’t this question insane?’
Now the English are left with their miserable rain,
a self-made crisis, though little will change.

Throwing Chilcot Stones

Back then Iraq was called a ‘military intervention’,
yet no thought was given to life after ‘liberation’.
Did we really expect Iraqis to be thankful for annihilation?
And believe leaders were misled about ‘misinformation’?

Now I’m not one to say ‘I told you so’,
nor be a self-righteous sofa-sonic hero.
But Baghdad’s blood goes beyond Ground Zero,
and Bush and Blair were just Scorsese and De Niro.

Cheney, Rumsfeld and the other ‘architects’ of war,
had the blueprints mapped out long before,
Mickey Mouse stole the vote from ‘green’ Al Gore,
for lucrative arms deals behind closed doors.

Today we may joke about iron domes and drones,
a robotic future where ‘driverless tanks’ may roam,
like welcoming the Terminator into our homes,
‘Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.’

Tel Aviv sofa, July 2016