Once upon a time in the Milky Way, there was a holy planet called Shoko.
Shoko was a paradise where everything was made of chocolate and snacks. The mountains were made of Toblerone, rivers flowed with Lindt chocolate, and houses were made of halva. Bamba and Krembo grew on trees, and the land was surrounded by a sea of Nutella.
For centuries, Shoko was mostly inhabited by orange creatures known as Oompa Loompas, who lived off the land, picking Ferrero Rochet flowers in the fields in summer and eating Ben & Jerry’s snow in winter. The Oompa Loompas ate chocolate Bamba for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and nobody ever got sick in Shoko.
That was until the greedy King Bisli took power. The King wanted to keep all the chocolate for his own kingdom to sell to other planets in the Milky Way. Chocolate was big business in the galaxy and could be sold for millions to bigger planets like Mars.
King Bisli did not like the Oompa Loompas eating chocolate freely from the land, and immediately ordered the arrest of their eccentric leader, Willy Wonka – (Wonka was later found dead in his bed one morning, allegedly after drinking some hot chocolate).
After Wonka was gone, the first thing King Bisli wanted to do was divide the Oompa Loompas. So, he split them into two groups – the Oompas and the Loompas. The King ran a vicious campaign telling the Oompas that only they were strong and that the looney Loompas were weak.
Next, the King used his Twixer account (Shoko’s social media channel), to spread the lie that chocolate is bad for you and can cause obesity.
But this didn’t stop the Oompa Loompas eating chocolate for long. Determined to stop them eating chocolate for free, he took over all the media channels and announced that chocolate was now a cause of death. Chocolate was now a disease that he called the ‘Toblerona-virus’ or ‘Chocvid-20’.
The King said that Toblerona-virus would kill millions of Oompa Loompas all over the planet and he banned everyone from eating chocolate immediately.
To enforce this ban, the King ordered a planetary ‘Chocdown’ – closing all chocolate factories, fields and forests, and he banned people from swimming in the sea of Nutella.
To increase the fear, he ordered all Loompas to wear masks and his Oompa police to arrest anyone going more than 100m from their halva house.
Some critics said that King Bisli was going too far with the Chocdown and should let there be herd obesity.
After a few months of the Chocdown, some Loompas realized they were being misled, and the numbers of Chocvid-20 infections were confusing. Many Loompas continued to eat chocolate without getting sick.
Other extremist Loompas said that King Bisli was just a puppet for President Chomp of the United States of Mars, who was just a puppet of King Krembo from Uranus.
Angry with the Chocdown, the Loompas started protesting weekly outside King Bisli’s palace. The furious King Bisli cracked down on the protestors and ordered the even harsher Chocdown II. More and more Loompas were fined for not wearing masks or breaking the Chocdown.
At some of the weekly protests, there were videos of Oompa police beating the Loompas with stale Bamba sticks. This made the Loompas even more furious, so they organized a protest on every street corner and demanded an immediate election.
This time the pressure was too much for King Bisli, so he announced there would be a ‘fair’ election within a month. The Loompas new leader, Benny Bamba, vowed to beat King Bisli, who was clearly only looking out for himself.
Indeed, the enigmatic Benny Bamba became very popular on Twixer too and soon had more followers than King Bisli. The polls all showed that Benny Bamba and the looney Loompas would win the forthcoming election.
To add to King Bisli’s troubles, some Loompa lawyers claimed he had lied to the public about the death of Willy Wonka, the threat of Chocvid-20 and that chocolate was bad for you.
It looked like the King’s days were numbered. What could he possibly do? Well, one of the King’s advisors, suggested he ‘test positive’ for Chocvid-20.
The next day on Twixer, the King announced he had tested positive for Chocvid-20 and that he was fighting the disease with all his might.
Immediately the loyal Oompas rallied outside the palace praying for King Bisli to get better and some of the Loompas were fooled too. They put politics aside for a while to support the King’s health.
Soon, ‘Long live the King’, was the cry all over Shoko. If anyone said anything different, they were silenced and strangely disappeared after drinking some hot chocolate.
Once again, the tide was turning in King Bisli’s favour and eventually the opposition leader Benny Bamba conceded and decided to join the King as Defense Minister.
When King Bisli ‘recovered’ from Chocvid-20, he held a bizarre press conference with President Chomp of Mars and King Krembo from Uranus, announcing peace in the galaxy.
While on the ground the Oompas and Loompas were still fighting, and King Bisli was planning Chocdown III.